2020…what a year. Need I say more? I don’t quite know how to summarize in words how 2020 felt for me. It was equally a really difficult year, as it was for many, yet also healing in many ways.
The beginning of 2020 was rough. Matt and I were pretty unstable in our marriage and by the beginning of February we separated. We didn’t know how long our separation would last and, to be honest, the way things were at that time I thought it would end in divorce. I hoped and prayed that wouldn’t be the outcome, but only time would tell. The next month or so was not easy but it was exactly what our relationship needed. Being apart from one another, we were really forced to examine ourselves, our marriage, and our demons. There was a lot of hurt for both of us and a lot healing that needed to happen individually.
We both committed that during our time apart we would be in prayer and be intentional about seeking the Lord’s will for our marriage and our lives. Friends, let me tell you, when you humbly and intentionally seek the Lord – on your best days and on your absolute worst when you can’t get yourself out of bed – He meets you and He sustains you. He certainly did that for me. Most days during this time were not easy, but the Lord was present and He was working.
We were in the fire. The Bible speaks of fire in a few different ways. Of course there is fire that destroys, but there is also fire that refines. Think of a jeweler or a metalsmith who uses the fire to purify, shape and mold - to refine the precious metal. In the same way, God puts us in the fire to refine us. We as individuals were being refined mentally, emotionally and spiritually and in turn our marriage was also being refined. After about 5 weeks of separation, we decided that we were committed to healing and putting in the work to stay married. I have only the Lord to thank for the grace he poured over our relationship and the work He did in our hearts. So, we moved back in together and then…
Less than a week later the world shut down. We went from not being together for over a month to all of a sudden being together 24/7 in a 1100 sq. ft. space. I can honestly say, though, that had COVID not struck, and we were not forced to quarantine together for months, our marriage would not have been strengthened as quickly as it was. It seemed as though an impossible prayer was answered – a prayer for more time. We were suddenly facing an obscure and unknown future, but we were facing it together. We were given the gift of quality (and quantity) time with each other and we used that time to fall in love again and become the husband and wife we wanted to be.
There has definitely been some anxiety, fear and downright mentally unhealthy days, particularly for me being home all the time; But we have had a lot to be thankful for while the world was shut down. We both maintained work throughout the year. Matt’s work shut down for a bit, but he was able to do some zoom sessions with his clients and he even took on a second job working at a grocery store. I kept working towards my master’s degree and in our free time we had some fun making lip sync battle videos. We were still able to see our parents quite a bit and stay healthy for most of the year…until COVID found us.
A few people at Matt’s work were sick with what everyone thought was just a standard cold. Matt didn’t feel well for a couple days, and felt like he just had a slight cold, but then the positive tests started coming in at his workplace. Within a couple days Matt’s sense of taste and smell were gone and he had a positive test as well. His symptoms were incredibly mild – he said he’s had colds that felt worse than that – and his taste and smell were only gone for about a week. Thankfully we hadn’t been around our families or anyone else for a couple weeks so we just laid low and waited out the 14 days. Unfortunately, we were not able to spend Thanksgiving with our families but we were so incredibly blessed to have a ton of food left at our doorstep by our wonderful parents.
We reached the 14-day mark and I thought I was in the clear because I was feeling great. The day after Thanksgiving we worked on a house project. Then on Saturday afternoon I started to feel a bit achy. I thought that maybe I was just really out of shape and was sore from working so hard the day before, but by bedtime I was extremely achy and started running a fever. I’m not going to lie, I was scared. The aches, pains and fever just kept getting worse through the night. I was so uncomfortable and ended up on the bathroom floor in the middle of night, crying and praying as I held a cold washcloth on my head to try to help with the fever. I considered having Matt take me to the ER, but I wasn’t having trouble breathing so I decided to just wait it out through a very long and difficult night. The next day my sense of taste and smell started fading.
I went to urgent care and was tested. A few days later, to no surprise to me, I got my positive test result. I had a fever for about 2-3 days and my body just hurt. All I wanted to do was sleep….and I did! I tried to work, because it feels weird taking a sick day when you work from home, but I could barely function. I was hit hard with what they refer to as COVID brain fog. It was really hard for me to think through things and try to put sentences together. My speech slowed down significantly because I just couldn’t find the right words. It took about a week before I started to feel a little bit more normal. I was getting a little bit of energy back and the fogginess began to clear. It took a month, though, before I got my taste and smell back. It was right around Christmas when I was able to start tasting some things (a Christmas miracle!) Now, about 3 months post-COVID my senses are pretty much back to normal. I feel a little foggy some days and have a hard time finding the right words, so I’m not sure the brain fog completely cleared…or if this is just what happens as you approach 30!
It’s crazy how different mine and Matt’s experiences with COVID were and interesting to think that it took about 2 weeks from the time I was exposed to start having symptoms. We tried our best to be careful, but unfortunately, Matt’s workplace was hit. We are thankful that we weren’t in contact with anyone else around that time and even more thankful that by Christmas we were able to hug our parents again! We know that we have been really fortunate this year to not experience job loss, severe illness or death among those close to us. We certainly pray for all those who have faced such difficult tragedies and we try to find ways to help those in our community. For me personally, seeing all of the suffering, death, illness, division, hatred and evil in the world has pushed me to cling to Jesus even more and gives me a sense of urgency to share the Good News with others.
If you had a really difficult year, or even just some really difficult days throughout 2020, I would love to hear your experience. If you’re willing, I would also love to pray for you and maybe even share some Good News to carry you through 2021.
Sending love friends,
Lacey